Big East Conference Player Hater Ball
Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2014 12:12 amDrop your beef against Big East teams, coaches, or personalities here.
ACC: Yea, you guys got Syracuse and Louisville, but you've still got Clemson, Virginia Tech, and Boston College, and 8 other teams not named Duke or North Carolina, so good luck with allllllllllll that.
American Athletic Conference: Aside from sounding like the name of that Abercrombie knockoff store at the poor people mall, it's basically "The same Conference USA you knew and loved: But now with more UConn!"
Dayton: You know how annoying it is that one week after the NCAA Tournament field is announced, and the first team left out bitches and moans about their resume and why they deserve to be in....but how their fans generally get over it after a week or two and everyone forgets? Well, Dayton is that scenario if their fans NEVER LET IT GO and talked about it nonstop for a YEAR AND A HALF. It's like they're hung up on their 12th-grade crush who didn't ask them to the Sadie Hawkins dance....but they're still talking about it in the middle of their sophomore year in college. Also, your rebrand spells out "VD."
Butler: Indiana is Chicago's New Jersey (no offense to the Seton Hall fans, who I'm sure resent being compared to Indiana). Also, despite Indy being a reasonably cool city, your campus is in the middle of nowhere, and there isn't even a decent bar around for at least six blocks in any direction from Hinkle. Also, I personally distrust any team that claims to have a "Way."
Big Ten Conference: Love your new commercial. Basically says "Hey, look at all these Midwestern Schools and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over here, Rutgers and Maryland." Thanks for ruining college sports, assholes.
Creighton: I went to Nebraska once, well, that's not true. I guess I technically went to Nebraska three times, because on the way in from and out to the airport, I went through Carter Lake, Iowa. How anyone loses a land dispute to Iowa I don't think I'll ever know.
DePaul: Holy crap you guys might have found a spot in Chicago for your new arena that's somehow even more of a pain in the ass to get to than Rosemont. Also, the mascot shares its name with a system where Chicagoans use outdated, worn-out trash that may have been useful once, but hasn't been relevant since the 1980s for personal gain, which is fitting because Rahm Emanuel and DePaul have a similar relationship right now.
Eric Devendorf: Still a horrible c**t of a human being. Easily my least favorite college basketball player ever. I can't even tell you who's in second. That's how big a c**t Eric Devendorf was, and presumably, still is.
Expansion Proponents: All you people who think there's some magic number to maximize our NCAA bids, and we can just get respectability if we "crack the code" and add more East Coast catholic schools, seemingly unaware that such a conference is already around, and called the Atlantic 10. If they had the model down pat, why did Xavier and Butler leave it to join us? Winning games gets you in the tournament. You'd think that would be obvious.
Georgetown: One of the best commentaries I ever read on Georgetown just said "You know how UConn would give their left nut to get into the ACC, well that's nothing compared to what Georgetown would do if the Ivy League ever so much as winked at them." A university in a neighborhood that willfully insisted on not having a Metro stop in the area to keep out the...you know....undesirable element....that now moans about getting students to basketball games when the stadium sits on top of a Metro station is a tad ironic.
Jay Wright: Dude probably uses Armani Suits for toilet paper. God bless the man for getting paid, but you're making the rest of us look bad. Honestly waiting for the game he shows up on the sidelines in f---ing tails.
Marquette: Holy Personality Disorders, Batman. Pick a name and stick with it. You've been the Warriors, the Lightning, the Warriors again, then the Golden Eagles, then nearly the Warriors again (to the point where everyone just calls you that anyway because it's just easier at this point), then for a week you were the Gold and that was f---ing weird, and then back to Golden Eagles...and that's all just since 1993, and not including at least three other nicknames held before then.
Providence: Every single time we play you guys I know something batshit crazy is going to happen. Sometimesliterally. This even continued last year with Davante Gardner all of a sudden finding his range in a game winner that wasn't. It's honestly annoying. Let's try to have two easy, normal games this year.
Rick Pitino: What's the difference between Rick Pitino and the Princeton Offense? Teams that run the Princeton can last more than 15 seconds before getting a shot off.
Syracuse and Pittsburgh: The deepest circle of hell is reserved for traitors. Enjoy your conference tournament gala dinner at the Waffle House in Greensboro. They take cash, credit, or 30 pieces of silver.
St. John's and Seton Hall: Honestly, get your shit together guys. The original Big East was designed to help East Coast recruits stay home with quality competition. They did...but you guys lost the plot somewhere around the Clinton Administration. St. John's biggest game is serving as the biannual homecoming opponent for the Tri-State Chapter of the Duke Alumni Club.
Villanova: What's the difference between Marty McFly and Villanova? Eventually Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.
Xavier: Yo Dawg, we heard you like X, so we put Xs on your Xs in your Xs on your X. We get it, you guys. Also, how Cookie Monster's slow sperm ever got to be a mascot, I don't think I'll ever know.
ACC: Yea, you guys got Syracuse and Louisville, but you've still got Clemson, Virginia Tech, and Boston College, and 8 other teams not named Duke or North Carolina, so good luck with allllllllllll that.
American Athletic Conference: Aside from sounding like the name of that Abercrombie knockoff store at the poor people mall, it's basically "The same Conference USA you knew and loved: But now with more UConn!"
Dayton: You know how annoying it is that one week after the NCAA Tournament field is announced, and the first team left out bitches and moans about their resume and why they deserve to be in....but how their fans generally get over it after a week or two and everyone forgets? Well, Dayton is that scenario if their fans NEVER LET IT GO and talked about it nonstop for a YEAR AND A HALF. It's like they're hung up on their 12th-grade crush who didn't ask them to the Sadie Hawkins dance....but they're still talking about it in the middle of their sophomore year in college. Also, your rebrand spells out "VD."
Butler: Indiana is Chicago's New Jersey (no offense to the Seton Hall fans, who I'm sure resent being compared to Indiana). Also, despite Indy being a reasonably cool city, your campus is in the middle of nowhere, and there isn't even a decent bar around for at least six blocks in any direction from Hinkle. Also, I personally distrust any team that claims to have a "Way."
Big Ten Conference: Love your new commercial. Basically says "Hey, look at all these Midwestern Schools and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over here, Rutgers and Maryland." Thanks for ruining college sports, assholes.
Creighton: I went to Nebraska once, well, that's not true. I guess I technically went to Nebraska three times, because on the way in from and out to the airport, I went through Carter Lake, Iowa. How anyone loses a land dispute to Iowa I don't think I'll ever know.
DePaul: Holy crap you guys might have found a spot in Chicago for your new arena that's somehow even more of a pain in the ass to get to than Rosemont. Also, the mascot shares its name with a system where Chicagoans use outdated, worn-out trash that may have been useful once, but hasn't been relevant since the 1980s for personal gain, which is fitting because Rahm Emanuel and DePaul have a similar relationship right now.
Eric Devendorf: Still a horrible c**t of a human being. Easily my least favorite college basketball player ever. I can't even tell you who's in second. That's how big a c**t Eric Devendorf was, and presumably, still is.
Expansion Proponents: All you people who think there's some magic number to maximize our NCAA bids, and we can just get respectability if we "crack the code" and add more East Coast catholic schools, seemingly unaware that such a conference is already around, and called the Atlantic 10. If they had the model down pat, why did Xavier and Butler leave it to join us? Winning games gets you in the tournament. You'd think that would be obvious.
Georgetown: One of the best commentaries I ever read on Georgetown just said "You know how UConn would give their left nut to get into the ACC, well that's nothing compared to what Georgetown would do if the Ivy League ever so much as winked at them." A university in a neighborhood that willfully insisted on not having a Metro stop in the area to keep out the...you know....undesirable element....that now moans about getting students to basketball games when the stadium sits on top of a Metro station is a tad ironic.
Jay Wright: Dude probably uses Armani Suits for toilet paper. God bless the man for getting paid, but you're making the rest of us look bad. Honestly waiting for the game he shows up on the sidelines in f---ing tails.
Marquette: Holy Personality Disorders, Batman. Pick a name and stick with it. You've been the Warriors, the Lightning, the Warriors again, then the Golden Eagles, then nearly the Warriors again (to the point where everyone just calls you that anyway because it's just easier at this point), then for a week you were the Gold and that was f---ing weird, and then back to Golden Eagles...and that's all just since 1993, and not including at least three other nicknames held before then.
Providence: Every single time we play you guys I know something batshit crazy is going to happen. Sometimesliterally. This even continued last year with Davante Gardner all of a sudden finding his range in a game winner that wasn't. It's honestly annoying. Let's try to have two easy, normal games this year.
Rick Pitino: What's the difference between Rick Pitino and the Princeton Offense? Teams that run the Princeton can last more than 15 seconds before getting a shot off.
Syracuse and Pittsburgh: The deepest circle of hell is reserved for traitors. Enjoy your conference tournament gala dinner at the Waffle House in Greensboro. They take cash, credit, or 30 pieces of silver.
St. John's and Seton Hall: Honestly, get your shit together guys. The original Big East was designed to help East Coast recruits stay home with quality competition. They did...but you guys lost the plot somewhere around the Clinton Administration. St. John's biggest game is serving as the biannual homecoming opponent for the Tri-State Chapter of the Duke Alumni Club.
Villanova: What's the difference between Marty McFly and Villanova? Eventually Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.
Xavier: Yo Dawg, we heard you like X, so we put Xs on your Xs in your Xs on your X. We get it, you guys. Also, how Cookie Monster's slow sperm ever got to be a mascot, I don't think I'll ever know.
